My (unexpected) favorite book of 2021 – REAL CONNECTION MINISTRY

Do you have a favorite book you have read this year? 

The book that went to the top of my list was completely unexpected. I actually started the book at the end of 2020 but hated it.

After reading the first chapter, I promptly shut the book and put it on the bookshelf. It’s not that it was a bad book – quite the opposite. It was that the book hit too close to home. You know the kind. 

The type of book you know that you need to read but don’t want to read.

This book was chosen by my small group leader for our group to read together and discuss. Her description of the book sounded great and I was excited to read it. Our first assignment was to read the first chapter and come prepared to discuss.

What started as welcomed anticipation soon turned to triggers of emotional avoidance for areas that I wasn’t ready to face. It’s so much easier to avoid the brokenness and carry on with life as if nothing is wrong. Do you ever do this?

You know that eventually, you will have to deal with the pain but tomorrow always seems better than today.

God never consults us when He wants us to start dealing with our hurts. However, He is the ultimate gentleman and offers His tender touch to wipe our tears and hold our hand. ​He never wants us to confront our broken places without Him. He is the ultimate healer, ultimate comforter, and ultimate supporter, so why do we avoid the process?

Just like it’s never a good time to get sick, it’s never a good time to sit and work through our painful places. His timing is perfect. And He always sends us the best resources to move closer to Him for our healing.

Even though I knew God sent the small group book into my life to tenderly carry me through the pain, I took the easier path and ran away from it. I wasn’t ready yet. I texted my small group leader and made excuses on why I couldn’t come for a book discussion. The thought of going to her home and ending up in a fetal position crying uncontrollably was too much to endure. I’ll take door number 2 – stuff the pain, ignore it, and hope it goes away.

The problem is that our broken places never go away. It’s like trying to hold a beach ball underwater. It works for a while but eventually, your body gets too exhausted to keep it hidden underwater. Pain and brokenness will always rise to the top whether we want it to or not.

After several lame excuses, I finally told my small group leader the truth. The book that she had chosen had stirred up too much pain that I wasn’t ready to deal with yet. She graciously understood and prayed with me. I never attended the book discussion for that book, but little did I know that the book would later move my soul into the glories of emotional freedom.

Over the course of the next 6 months, I would occasionally pull that book off the shelf and read a chapter. It was a slow process of savoring the words and storing the message in my heart – one chapter at a time.

The book eventually became a familiar friend – hanging out on my bookshelf, patiently waiting for me to invite it into my life again and read its soothing words. Just in the last 2 weeks, I committed to finishing this book before going into another year. It was time. I no longer wanted to hold down the beach ball for another year.

So for 2 days over the holiday break, I dusted off the cover as well as my insecurities and I dug in. I dug in so deep that I devoured every word – folding down dog ears on almost every page and underlining so many passages that my hand would hurt.

Other than the Bible, I’ve never had a book draw me so close to the Lord. I felt His unconditional love on every page. He was there to peel my layers and help me recognize the root of my pain and brokenness.

And you know what? The purging process was so much better than I had imagined. I read that book knowing that I wasn’t alone in this process. God was wiping my tears and holding my hand the entire time. Even with my stubborn delay in reading the book, God made the timing perfect. He equipped me with the complete understanding that He is with me every. step. of. the. way. I asked myself why I waited so long. Avoidance of pain will never contribute to gaining wholeness. 

There is strength and freedom in locking arms with our Savior and allowing Him to lead you gently onto the path of healing.

And that beach ball? Well, I gained enough Godly strength to release it from the water and throw it as far away as I could.

So my most unexpected favorite book of 2021 is……

STAY: Discovering Grace, Freedom, and Wholeness Where You Never Imagined Looking by Anjuli Paschall.
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“I plead with God to keep me close because I know that I know that I know I will forget, lose sight, and slip back into getting love from anything else but Him. I know how quickly I dismiss my feelings, avoid my issues, pretend to be okay, and try to fix myself. So, again, I invite every part of me back to the table of my soul. Here, there is exhale. Here, there is wholeness. I stay with my pain, feelings, shame, and struggles because God uses them to bring me back to His love. I stay awake to His love.”